isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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