my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
