so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
