If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
