so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
