I'm going to rape someone's good day.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
