We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
