yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
