just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
