I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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