Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
