this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
