All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
