Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
