Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
