he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize