dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
