Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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