if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
