Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
