That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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