Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
