My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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