see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize