she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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