as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Send help, water and tortillas.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
