Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
