So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
