Dual....:-)
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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