sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
