We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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