he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
