is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
