dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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