so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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