there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
