I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it hurts more in the daytime
this boner is exhausting
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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