He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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