We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
