There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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