Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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