yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
