Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
