I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
