Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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