dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
