i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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