I'm going to rape someone's good day.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
