i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
