he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
