I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Randomize
