I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
