it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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