Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
