did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize