I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
