ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
