Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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