this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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