Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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