my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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