he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
