Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize