Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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