Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.