New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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