He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.