You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up